...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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