He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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