Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
