Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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