I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Couch. On fire.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
