We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
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