I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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