You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
