Sponge bath it is.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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