I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I am one with the molecules
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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