Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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