I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
