Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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