I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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