paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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