i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
