What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
