I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So much Jack, so little girl.
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