Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
