then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
