I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just forgot I was standing up.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
