There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I can text with my tongue
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
