Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
