I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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