my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
