Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
