craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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