we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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