Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
