i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
