Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
