all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
