man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
