Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i would one night stand the shit outta him
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
