i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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