Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
