If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
this boner is exhausting
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize