What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
