please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
