im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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