do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
