It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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