Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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