Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The adults are the big ones right?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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