I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
