did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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