finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
