I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize