I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
