i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
