Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize