Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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