I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
