we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
