Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
