Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
cat food counts as protein by the way
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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