I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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