Your face is a jimmy john
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
nutella sex= disaster
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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