I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
