I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
