All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
sex in a hospital.. check
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
