i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
