bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
