Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
