wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
