Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
