no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
