Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
