i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
