well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
