In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
