I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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