can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
