all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
