Have you finally orgasmed yet?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
