I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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