I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
