the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
