Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
