Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
