I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
