i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
