I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
