im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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