turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
