In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
