Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
