Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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