I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
