Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
