i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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