I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
