Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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