My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
