He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
