you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
