i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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